Innane Babble of the Day...

FOR some reason today, I thought of about 5 different statuses for my Facebook profile. A lot is going through my mind. Maybe I'm feeling creative? Anywho, I thought I may as well blog my innane thoughts and get them out there and out of my head.

WE'VE had quite a lot of snow in the last couple of days. Our family just LOVES a good snowstorm. This is the first major accumulation we've had this year (unlike last year where we started with our first big snow in October and ended up with our last snow toward the end of March - tons and tons of it!). I fired up the snow blower and blew our driveway and sidewalks and a couple of the neighbors'. I really like using that thing. It's so powerful and saves SO much time and effort. Too bad we can't use it on our stairs out front!

A RANDOM consideration: wearing matched socks might be overrated.

KRISTIN has made up two words today so far: #1: She was referring to her left-over fries and chicken strips and saying that when she reheats in the microwave that they are 'gross-ious'. An aptly illustrative word! #2: She was chatting w/Ell and doing a little dance move that she made up during the conversation. Ell asked what she was doing and Kristi replied: 'A bootie-bobble'...(followed by hilarious laughter.) In the ensuing conversation, Bree called it a 'butt-bobble' - Kristin corrected her big sister (more hilarious laughter). Followed by Bree saying, 'Let's use the words 'bootie' and 'butt' as often as possible and Kristin will never stop laughing.'

OUR dryer may be near death. The back of the drum has somehow started to detach from the rest of it and it makes such a racket when it's running. It's what I imagine it might be like in a factory or in the engine of a running steam locomotive. Maytags are not what they used to be for sure. We bought it 6 years ago...apparently we bought a 5 year warranty that ran out last month. =\ The comforting thing is that I know that the Lord knows we need a dryer, so He must have a plan. We sure don't have the money to buy a new one right now.

I'M going to start attending a group called 'Fresh Start' that meets each Tuesday evening to help with working through issues of the heart. We were supposed to start tonight, but the recent snow and high winds have postponed the first meeting until next week. I'm excited to know more of Jesus and to be free from some things that have been weighing me down for sometime.

WE got a Kinnect (for Xbox360) for Christmas. It is a BLAST. We have all enjoyed using it...it's getting us all up off of the couch and up on our feet and moving! There are sports and games and dancing discs...I have very sore muscles from it. Having been very sedentary for the last few years has taken its toll. I'm so thankful for the Kinnect.

My heart is broken tonight by the ugly influence of our world on innocent children. I wonder how deeply our own children are affected. I wonder where we have been lax and our enemy has taken advantage of the cracks in our wall. There's part of me...part of my 'momness' that wants to spare our kids from all harm, all pain, and especially all sin and its effects. I am very well aware of the impossibility and even if it was possible, the detriment of this. I'm seeing as our two oldest are beginning their adulthood that some of the ways I've tried to spare them have actually worked to foster fears and prevented maturity. Ouch.

But I know that everything, EVERYTHING is redeemable. I know that when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him (Is. 59.19). I'm pressed tonight to seek God, to get serious. The fresh realization of The War that we are in has scared me - hopefully in a good way. Lord, have mercy.

Just Wondering...

May I respectfully disagree with some of my sweet friends?

I don't get how the current 'secret phrase' being posted on Facebook is supposed to engender breast cancer awareness. The posting of bra colors last year made more sense...although I still believe the business of our undies is between us and our spouses!

And why would we want to post publicly something that might make anyone picture us doing something so private, so special, so sacred? If there's not enough innuendo and temptation out there, let's just add to the cerebral sleaze-soup that's served up everyday here in western society, shall we?

I just don't get it. That's all.

Summer Salsa

Ooh, the delicious vegetable-y goodness! This batch was obviously made with red onion. Please pass the baked Tostitos!

Here's the disclaimer: this is OF COURSE, so much better w/fresh tomatoes. Made it yesterday w/store-bought and it was good....but not fantabulously delicious like usual. This is a simple recipe that I got out of the Omaha World Herald years and years ago...It's really more like a pico de gallo. I tweaked it a bit with the oil and vinegar and sugar to suit my taste. It's not very spicy....but I LOVE hot food, so adjust the 'jalapeno-ness' according to your preference. Hope you like it!

OMAHA WORLD HERALD MEXICAN SALSA

4 small tomatoes, peeled & chopped (I usually don't peel them.)

1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and chopped

1/4 c. cilantro, chopped

1/3 chopped onion (any kind)

1/4 t. salt

1 1/2 t. oil ( I use canola or sometimes olive oil.)

1 scant t. sugar

1 T. vinegar

Combine all in medium-sized bowl. Serve @ room temp. Makes 1 1/2 c.

And here's a freebie, because it's written on the back of the salsa recipe card:

PACE CHUNKY GUACAMOLE

2 ripe avocados, peeled, seeded, diced

1/2 c. onion, chopped (any kind of onion)

1/4 c. Pace picante sauce

1 t. lemon juice

1/4 t. salt

Combine. Enjoy.

Okay, gotta go to HyVee and get me some avocados to make some Guac for our 4th of July celebration!

Thankful Trumps Crabby

Missing terribly our two travelers today.

Haven't slept well for three consecutive nights (night 1: worry & prayer for Nicaragua team. night 2: tummy & chimichanga disagreement. night 3: 2 am shower for itching skin.)

Headache.

Lack of motivation to do the 47.34 tasks slated for the day which include: 5 loads of laundry, water plants, wash wall to ready for painting, go for a walk, do 5 lessons in my Bible study which are due tomorrow which I should have spread out through the whole week, painting Kristin's vanity.

My bed is calling out to me: "Napping is good! Napping would solve many of your ills!"

This is one of those mornings where I am tempted to look on the dark side....be a 'glass half-empty' girl.

I am reminded that being thankful is my one way ticket out of this land of lethargy and irritability. AND I am reminded that taking time to allow Jesus to show me His love is NEVER a bad thing. He reminds me that I am WAY too hard on myself and agreement w/Him is humilty and obedience.

YOU are my ANSWER, Lord!...not accomplishing more, sleeping more, feeling physically better. It REALLY IS all about You!!!

Disappointment

(Do you like the homage to Star Wars? I readily admit it....we are a family of Trekkies and Star Wars Geeks.)

A dear friend sent this to me today:

"I think God is disappointed with me." What's wrong with that statement; why does it bother me?

It's so interesting that this would be brought up today because Dave and I were just discussing last night whether it is appropriate to tell your child that you are disappointed in him/her. We concluded that there are probably better words to use w/kids...words that do not bring shame.
Regarding the Lord, isn't His being disappointed w/us impossible? I mean to be disappointed implies that there was a certain expectation. If God knows what we are going to do anyway, how could He be disappointed? (Apologies to all you 'Moral Gov't' officionados.)
I know that Love hopes all things and that He always hopes we will make the best choices, but He knows us. We are weak. We have limitations and strongholds and difficulties and temptations. Rather than saying He is disappointed with us, I believe it would be more accurate to say that we are disappointed with ourselves. (Which, I believe, is a form of pride.) If He is Who He says He is, then EVERYTHING is redeemable and those of us who have screwed up our lives the most (HELLO, THIS MEANS EVERYONE!) have the opportunity for the most redemption. Reminds me of Isaiah 63:3b & 4

They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.

If there was nothing ruined, we would not see our need for Him. Having 'places long devastated' in our family background and in our own lives is not unusual...quite the opposite. The Bible is FULL of people who made poor choices or bore the brunt of the rotten choices of others. Some of them allowed God to make them 'a planting of the Lord'...to redeem their rotten, sinful choices and to become 'the display of His splendor'. Without redemption, there's no display. Without our weaknesses, His strength cannot be shown.
We have it all backwards: we try to be strong, we try to show that we are handling things well. We hide our weakness, even from ourselves. How silly to not live in reality, to not call a spade a spade and glady give ourselves over to the Only One who can save us from our silly, selfish selves.

2 Cor. 12:9,10 My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Yes, at the very best, I've had poor judgement. At the least, I've been an evil, self-centered, selfish pig of a person and chosen to please me and me alone. I admit it. I fall short. I need help. And I will always need help. My realizing this of late has been a GLORIOUS freedom.
There was a time when I would have beat myself up because I should be 'further down the road'....that I should have made better use of all the teaching and help I've been so freely given. BUT I AM NOT FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD.
And I have to ask myself: have I given Jesus my heart? Is my intent to allow Him to direct me daily? If so, then where I am is HIS doing...I am in this place for His purposes. (AND if I am not yet His, not allowing His voice to show me the path every day, one choice, one prayer can put me on that path.)
Okay, stepping down from the soapbox...

Summer Longing...

Bree and me, studying & enjoying!

The hanging jars.

A big jar with a big candle!

It's like a vacation spot at home...

I'm excited to say that I do believe that for this year, our winter is past. We have a few daffodils and some tulips that bravely poked out of the ground immediately after the three and a half foot drifts that have covered them since December 24th FINALLY melted a couple of weeks ago! HOORAY!

Kristin (our 8y/o) and I watched the weather channel for a few moments together last week and rejoiced together as we saw 70 degree temperatures in the forecast. She and I both love the hot weather. I won't call 70 'hot', but its' a start. (I grew up in Southern California and LOVE the warmth.)

We are blessed with a lovely covered deck off our kitchen and living room...In the warmer weather David and I sit out there and chat and drink coffee in the am. Sometimes our kiddos join us and it's the best of times. We need to eat meals out there more often this year, I think.

We've hung some gauzy fabric curtains out on the deck that serve no real purpose except to make it feel more "homey". Dave's built us some Adirondak chairs that I LOVE. They are sooooo comfortable. If we're out there after dark, we have 15 or 20 jars of different shapes and sizes in which we place white candles. We hang some (by beaded wires that we've looped around the jar's opening) around the eaves. And we place some on the deck around us. We have two hammocks hanging out there too. Some times I take my guitar out there and make a bit of music.

During the day as we go about our business, our deck calls to us...'Come out and rest!' It's the perfect spot for a quiet moment. We love to have people over to hang out and visit out there. If you are in the neighborhood, come on over and experience the ambiance of the Reno's back deck! I'm longing for a bit of it myself. Won't be long and it will be warm enough...

Compassion vs. Judgement

I rarely remember my dreams. And if I do, they are usually innane and seemingly meaningless...easily blamed on last night's pizza (or in this case, German chocolate cake!). When our kids come to our room in the middle of the night for comfort from a bad dream, I pray for them and hold them and do my best to get them back to sleep as quickly as possible....but my empathy level is usually rather low. I mean how bad can it be?

I just had the most vivid dream...David and I were checking into a hotel. I preceded him into our room by a few minutes. There were two beds in our room and the one on which I was putting my stuff had drawers in its base. And I did not notice at first, but coming up from the foot of the bed were wasps. Somehow I ended up with wasps all over my left ankle and shin. I don't remember being stung but I was SCARED. There was a can of wasp killer in our room and I stared spraying it like crazy into the crack where I perceived the wasps were emerging before I realized that they were getting on me. When I saw them on my leg I sprayed myself over and over...then Dave came in the room and was asking what was happening! He helped me get them off myself and we were in the process of exiting and getting somewhere else safe to stay when I woke with a start...SO thankful to be safe in our little house.

It FREAKED ME OUT. So much so that I cannot go back to sleep at the moment (I got up at 3:45 am...). All my speeches to our kids in the past 15 or so years about 'taking thoughts captive' are ringing through my head...a simple choice, right? Or maybe not as simple as I've thought. Tomorrow morning I will certainly be asking forgiveness for impatience with them...and this is but one instance in a myriad that has certainly grooved our kids for the need for therapy somewhere down the line!

I'm frustrated with myself regarding my lack of compassion, my easy rush to judgement on things I am not familiar with. I'm tempted to list things I've been judgemental about in the past, but I'm afraid of alienating someone ("You judged me because of that?") Okay, I'll make a short list, but please don't take this personally...it's just my own obtuse insensitivity.

I tipped the scales this week at my all time high weight...YUP. In the past here's my thoughts: 'Losing weight: how hard can it be?' Well now that I'm here, it is hard. Very.

A few years ago I had the DESPERATE need to be on depression meds...my thoughts prior to that: 'C'mon people! Think a happy thought for goodness sake!' Now my experience says that I had NO IDEA what I was saying. NONE AT ALL.

Sad to say, I've also judged children of divorced families...I was COMPLETELY CLUELESS to the total devastation that rocks a child's world when parents divorce. Mine divorced when I was 38 and it made me feel like I was 8 years old. And though it has been 9 1/2 years since they've split, I'm a long way from being through grieving over it.

Hopefully the more I live, the more I will RELAX and quit judging. It's so tiring to judge all the time. Maybe I just won't have enough energy to do it after a while? (if only it was that simple!)

Then I think, hmmmm.....certainly this very subject may be one of the reasons that these verses are in the Bible:

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:3,4

So I take this to mean that if we haven't received this comfort ourselves, WE AIN'T GOT IT to give out...(I normally don't use the word ain't, but it seemed so appropriate here...) My view is so narrow. I'm so thankful that the Lord's is not. I'm so thankful that

"...we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God...This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Hebrews 4:14-16

Lord, have mercy! I desperately need this grace...probably most in the middle of the night (literally....and figuratively). Continue to show me my judgements...my ungraciousness toward others. With Your help I want to turn away from this natural bent to judge. May I see You for who You really are. May I receive Your love and comfort that I may comfort others. May I give out grace as You do...liberally!

Held Close

We met when I was in 2nd grade...I was 7 years old. It was a brief meeting, after school one day and I didn't get to know much about him, but I loved him.

As 6th grader, I met him again through a mutual friend...it was an awful time in my life. My parents were going through very difficult financial times. We had moved to an area of the country where I was a minority for the first time in my life and I was picked on a lot because of it. It was scary to walk to and from school because of the teasing and threats and rock-throwing. It was at that meeting I think I knew we'd always be together...I started writing to him almost every day and he was so good to keep in close touch with me.

Through all the changes of my growing up years and beyond, he's stayed close and cared so sweetly, attentively. Even through periods where I ignored him, when he ended up last on my list, he's been there.

Most of the time I don't feel like an old person, but as I type I realize we've been together for forty years now. Only an old person can write that! Through the movement of the seasons, his careful, deliberate attachment has spoiled me. I am safe in uncertain times. When it's dark, he draws me even closer. Though I've known him all these years, there is always more to know, more to love, more to have of him...and I think maybe more of me to give.

Wood-Gathering Adventure

Dan getting ready to sled for his life!!!!!

Kristi on the frozen tundra...

Bree and Easton

Dan heading down toward our truck.

Grandpa's truck, stuck by the barn (built in '47, in case you're interested...)

We heat our home with wood....it's just the nicest heat: such a close, cozy warmth. There is a lot of work to do and a lot of mess to clean up to enjoy this heat, but it's financially VERY cheap since we have an unlimited supply of wood at Dave's Grandparents' farm, which is about a 40 minute drive south of here. We love to stop in and hear Grandpa's stories of the old days and sample Grandma's delicious baking. They are 93 and 95 y/o respectively and they are a treasure.

It's been tough to get wood this year because of all our snow. We had a blizzard the 24th of December and another right after New Year's Day (extending Christmas vacation an extra three days!!) and we've still got about 10" of snowcover, plus GIANT drifts in some areas. Usually, we drive our Suburban (pulling a trailer that we borrow from some kind and generous friends...) into the woods to an area that has downed trees and we start hacking away and loading up! Attempting to venture into the woods with this much snow would be foolish, however and we would certainly end up getting stuck. We discussed biting the bullet and actually buying firewood this year, but just didn't want to spend the $$$. Grandpa mentioned that in one of his half-dozen or so outbuildings, there was a load of hardwood that someone cut a couple of decades ago that we could have if we could get it out of the shed where it was stored.

To get us through the winter so far, we had a little bit wood that we'd hauled last year. And we've bundled up like eskimoes around here (indoors!), trying to use the wood sparingly...but this last week was the end of our wood supply...either we needed to procure more firewood or start busting up the furniture. (We do have a fine furnace/heat pump that works fabulously, but we don't enjoy paying the bill....so we keep the thermostat at about 65 degrees during the day.) We've utilized a space heater and consumed gallons of hot chocolate and tea in our attempts to stay toasty!

Today we decided to load up the family and some snacks and a thermos of hot chocolate and the dog and a couple of sleds...thinking that if we couldn't drive back to the shed full of wood, we could load the sleds with wood and slide it the 50 or so yards down to the truck.

We arrived at the farm and greeted Grandma and Grandpa....Grandpa had a great idea...he'd hop in his 4 W/D pick-up truck, drive back to the shed, we'd load the wood in the pick-up and drive it down to our Suburban and load it into the Suburban. (Yes, our Suburban is 4 W/D. Yes, driving the Suburban back to the shed and loading it straight from the shed to the Suburban would have been less messing around. But when Grandpa gets a brainstorm, you go with it.)

Grandpa hops into his pick-up and sizes up his first obstacle: a 3.5 foot drift (the first of possibly 3 or 4 drifts). The snow has been on the ground so long that the top of the first foot or so is compacted into a hard crust that can be walked on...but driving on it? Grandpa got a bit of a running start and plowed into the drift and pretty much got stuck immediately. (You knew that was going to happen, didn't you?) He tried reversing it and putting it in drive again. He spun the wheels so fast...I was scared that if he did get the wheels to catch on something that he'd jump forward and plow into the barn. He spun the wheels so much that the snow under them melted and he got down to the mud and melted the frozen mud...it was flying everywhere. The wheels were steaming. There was a burning smell in the air. He was high-centered on that giant drift. David and I got shovels and tried to dig him out...meanwhile he kept spinning those wheels. I was hollering at the kids to stay far away for safety's sake but Dave and I were practically under the wheels...especially Dave...and those wheels kept spinning and spinning. It was HARD work. Good thing it was a balmy 25 degrees outside...and very little wind. I'm serious. We were sweating.

After about 20 minutes of this, Grandpa said we should go find as much chain as we could...it was hanging in the southeast corner of the corncrib...a bit of a hike through the drifted snow. Dan wisely brought the sled and we piled about 67 pounds of giant, rusty chains onto the sled and dragged it down to Grandpa's stuck truck. We untangled the chains, David drove the Suburban near and we hooked them up...Dave gunned it on the driveway and the tires spun. No success. He tried again. Nope. Maybe Grandpa will be stuck there 'till spring. It's only forty-something days away. Grandpa doesn't get around too well anymore. Maybe we'd load him onto a sled and pull him out and leave the truck. David gave it one more try and what do you know!!!? He pulled Grandpa out! Celebration ensued. We all cheered and hooted and wooted and clapped and jumped up and down.

After that, Grandpa KNEW he could get through. (SERIOUSLY??) And I don't know what happened at this point...maybe David chatted with him and talked him out of it. But the next thing we knew, Grandpa was parking the truck and going inside.

We hiked up the snowy hill and opened the shed and found a glorious load of wood in wonderful condition! There was also a plastic kitchen, a SWEET 1970's bike with sparkley banana seat and sting ray handlebars (Ebay!!), a rusty old pedal-car in the shape of a fire engine with a very annoying bell on the front and various other junky items.

We'd load a sled with logs and then either Dan or Kristin would ride it down the hill on top of the load of wood. FUN! We loaded the back of our Suburban almost up to the ceiling. It probably took about 20 minutes....(about half the time it took to dig/pull the pick-up out of the snow!).

We were then ready to head inside and have a can of pop and chat with Grandpa and Grandma a bit. We heard today that the corncrib was built in '46 and the barn in '47. They got electricity in 1939. Grandma said that before that, they kept their butter in a 'cave' that was hand-dug out of the dirt in front of their home. There were a bunch of stairs down to the cave. The cave was also used for a storm shelter. Grandma was scared of that cave and very glad the day the electricity was hooked up to the house. Grandpa had pre-emptively bought a refrigerator from the Sears and Roebuck on 24th and 'L' Street, so as soon as they got power, they hooked it up.

They also told us stories about them having a woodstove in the room that's now their dining room. The rest of the house was so cold, they moved their beds into the living room for the winter. In the bucket of water (that they carried in everyday from the well), the dipper used to freeze nearly nightly in the wintertime. Sounds like 'Little House on the Prairie'. But it wasn't so very long ago.

On the way home, we chuckled about Grandpa's great idea and about how he'd had an adventure that he could tell the boys at the donut shop. We also discussed how if we'd just sledded the wood out in the first place, we'd have been home a whole lot sooner. But we also mentioned that our kids' Great-Grandparents aren't just great in name...they really are GREAT people. We count ourselves so fortunate to have them, to be able to enjoy them, to hear their amazing stories of a life that sound to us like something in a movie, to consume great quantities Grandma's DELICIOUS cookies (which she always stores in Maxwell House coffee cans), to just be with them. We don't know how much longer we will have them with us. And we don't want to take them for granted. Thanks, Lord, for such a sweet heritage. (And thank You that no one was hurt in the craziness today!)

Moonless Darkness Stands Between

Moonless Darkness Stands Between

by Gerard Manly Hopkins

Moonless darkness stands between

Past, the Past, no more be seen!

But the Bethlehem-star may lead me

To the sight of Him Who freed me

From the self that I have been.

Make me pure, Lord: Thou art holy;

Make me meek Lord: Thou wert lowly;

Now beginning, and alway:

Now begin, on Christmas day.

Advent....wassat?

Growing up, neither our church (Assembly of God) nor our family celebrated, nor even mentioned Advent. At least not that I remember. As I grew older and heard of other types of churches celebrating it, I just thought it was another one of those 'liturgical things' that had nothing to do with me.

Just this year I've learned that the Advent-part of our Christmas celebrations can be a very meaningful part of our preparation and celebration of Jesus' birth. For years Dave and I have had a desire for our family to be less 'sucked in' to the growing meaninglessness of the holidays. I have studied Advent for the past weeks with some of my friends and have learned a TON! May I share?

Advent has similar origins as Christmas...started out as a pagan celebration of the sun/light/fire and was tweaked later on (sometime in the sixteenth century) to become what we call Advent now. Here's some more stuff I've learned:

• The advent wreath is round to symbolize no beginning and no ending of our Great God.


• The traditional evergreen used in the advent wreath symbolizes the Lord's unchanging love for us. Depending on the evergreens used, there is symbolism behind each type utilized:Laurel - victory over sin and death; Pine, yew - immortality; Cedar - healing and strength; Holly's prickly leaves represent the suffering of Jesus. If you add pinecones, nuts or seedpods to your wreath, they represent resurrection life!!!


• There are five candles in an advent wreath, showing Jesus as the light of God coming into the world. There are four colored and one white. The four colored candles represent the 4,000 years that passed between Adam and the coming of Jesus. The white one is the Christ candle...white for His purity and holiness. This white candle is a more recent addition to the tradition...the original Advent wreaths only had the four colored candles.


• Three candles are purple to represent His Royalty. I also read that purple is the color of repentance....but that seems a little random to me...or at least not as well-known as the purple being the 'King's color'. One candle is pink...this is lit on the Sunday closest to Christmas (some light the pink on the third Sunday of advent...I guess it varies!), symbolizing our great joy at the of the closeness of his coming.


• Advent is celebrated beginning on the fourth Sunday before Christmas. The final white candle is lit on Christmas Eve.


• Some families/churches have the tradition of putting up their Nativity scenes little by little with each Advent Sunday...and they put the Baby Jesus in His manger on Christmas Eve.


• The lighting of each candle can accompanied by any or all of the following: a short Bible reading, a devotion, a song, a prayer. Many adhere to the tradition of dousing all other lights except for the light from Advent candles during this time of devotion to the Lord. Cool, huh?


• On each of the four Sundays prior to Christmas one candle is lit....one on the first Sunday, two on the second Sunday and so on. As Christmas approaches, the candlelight is brighter as His coming gets closer! Some have the tradition of allowing the oldest child to light the first candle and so on down the line. (Insert fire-safety discussion here...)

All that being said, advent wreaths of today can be of any shape and candles of any colors...check out Google Images of advent wreaths. I saw some non-lightable candles made from toilet paper tubes...I saw wire and burlap. I saw candleholders made from apples and all sorts of other materials. Getting the fam together and thinking about the Lord is a good thing whether that includes candles and wreaths or not.

Our own family advent wreath is still in process...and yes, I am aware that the 4th Sunday before Christmas has come and gone this year. I am hoping we'll enjoy the Truth of this little ceremony in our home irregardless of us lighting the candles at the traditionally correct time! The point is not the dates and the ceremony of it all for me...it's more the preparing of our hearts for the real Reason for Christmas.

My apologies for any misinformation above...I've learned this from studying articles on the 'net and from some books and I did not verify the sources...Please feel free to correct me. And also feel free to share your own Advent or Nativity thoughts/traditions. Such RICH truth!

It's 4:13 am. I woke up at 2:50 and laid there for about 45 minutes...then I gave up trying to sleep and here I am. I used to HATE these sleepless nights. Tonight it's like an oasis. It's dark and quiet and the candles in the family room are flickering. Uninterrupted time to think, to ask God stuff, to get the tangles out of my head.

It has been a bumpy ride this year. Dave's been jobless for ten months now, except for a short stint at a job that did not work out. We have been up and down. We have been more than well-provided-for financially (frequently miraculously!) and never even come close to having to do without the necessities. But emotionally and mentally...oi. Tough times.

I think we've both come to the conclusion that this whole season isn't really about joblessness at all...that it's about being cared for in a different way. It's about our Father being kind enough to take us through the dryest of times to show us our hearts and some decisions that we've made about Him in the past that are not about Truth.

I mean, who sets out in their life to knowingly believe stuff that's really a bunch of hooey? But as I've gone through this year I've seen that there's quite a bit of renewing that needs to happen in me (duh.) For many reasons, I have embraced that which is not the Whole Truth and I have not 'til now seen it clearly. As my dear friend Dawn says, if a person knew they were being deceived it wouldn't be called deception, right?

For about a decade now, my frequent request has been for the Lord to show me my pride, to draw me closer to Himself...and through these past months, He seems to be taking me up on that in an accelerated course of learning. I wasn't prepared for how painful it is to see the partial truths (okay, LIES!) I've believed, to see that I've chosen to play the blame-game instead of resting and trusting. Through these revelations of my shortcomings and the lies I've held close, I've been astounded by the tender, attentive care given to me by the Lord. He's not ticked and wanting to ostracize me like I've thought. I have tasted a new freedom and I sure would like more of it.

I confess that I have been in a very dangerous boat: the U.S.S. Presumption. I see that 47 years of life on this earth does not even SCRATCH THE SURFACE of all there is to know about ANYTHING. And I am most thankful this season to see that I am being RESCUED by the One Who is the Way out, He Who is the Truth that cannot be Refuted, the One Who is the Life I've always longed for.

Pete Thinks Bree Might Need a Rescue...

The temperature of the pool water....

And the crazy girl who jumped in it. Petey is very concerned, can you tell?

Ode to Petey Sweetie

Today our family is losing a wonderful friend. Petey has lived with my sister, Marcia, and her family for some years now. He got sick with bone cancer and it has quickly spread through his system. Today will be his last day on earth and our hearts are aching.

The first time I was around Petey, I was visiting California for Josh's graduation. Petey was soooo gentle with our youngest little girl, Kristin, who was about 2 yrs. old. But holy cow....was he a roughneck with the grown ups who wanted to play crazy. He and my brother, Lee got in a wrestling match and Petey gave Lee an ear piercing!!! It bled and bled...Lee never held it against Pete - quite the contrary...I believe it was a bonding experience!

Pete came with his fam on a road trip to visit us a few years ago. He was a great houseguest. He was a very good 'carpet-snack-vacumn' and got along great with our dog, Bella. When it was time for the Baileys to return home and we were all outside saying our long farewells, he also vacumned up something gross that I won't mention here, but has been the source of a funny story and a lot of gagging from Marcia and me.... (ask me later).

When Bree and I visited So. Cal. for our "sunshine fix" last February during possibly the coldest and rainiest and un-sunniest part of the winter there, WE FROZE. But Petey and his best friend, Molly were always there to snuggle up with. They are great heaters. A few times when we were in CA, we ran around the pool in the Bailey's backyard, playing keep-away from Petey. It was fun and a little scary. I was always a little afraid that if he'd catch me, he'd take a friendly nip out of my posterior. One crazy day, Bree wanted some excitement in her life and decided to jump, fully clothed, into the 56 degree water of the pool. Petey was very concerned. I thought he'd jump in after her...

Pete is the reason we have Easton, our three-year-old boxer. When Petey came here, we fell in love with his temperment and his expressive eyes, his wrinkled forehead, the quizzical look that he gave with his head cocked to one side...we loved his lap-dog-attitude in his VERY big dog body. Boxers just pretty much rock.

Just a few years ago, I would NEVER have believed that I could be sooooo torn up about losing a dog. Especially one that is not even my own. But Pete was a pup that was willing to be loved by whomever...it felt like he was ours too.

Petey has been a gift to all of us, but especially to my sister, Marcia. He has been a comfort and a joy in some very tough times for the whole Bailey family. I just can't stand it that they are hurting so badly. It is hard to be so far away from them.

You just never think stuff like this is going to happen and I cannot help but wonder why it is happening. We were all hoping for a miracle. What I am sure of is that Pete was a godsend...Thank You, Lord, for Petey Sweetie Punkin Head. And I am trusting that the same God who sent such an amazing doggy our way will give comfort like only He can and that He'll get us through this time.

Jesus, You have Carried Me

I can remember my Grandma Bilt (Mom's mom, Mary Vanderbilt who has gone to be with Jesus) often exclaiming, 'Mercy!'....I find myself exclaiming this myself more and more often these days. Sometimes it just seems like there is hardship all around: people getting sick with terrible diseases, families in trouble, people passing away, friends in financially dire straits, scary things happening in government...need I say more?
During these crazy times, it seems things get distilled down to their most basic... during the 'easy' times, I feel like I have some semblance of control over my life, that things are on the right track. I see now that this 'control' is only an illusion!! And during those good times, I'm sorry to say that I do not interact with Jesus as much. Often (sadly) He gets relegated to a spoke in the wheel of my life. When things are hard, I see the Truth that the only stability I have is the Lord; that to live life as I am purposed to live, He must be the center of the wheel. During the simpler times, I forget how much I need to rely on Him (hello, TOTALLY!!) ...and now, during this rougher patch, I'm seeing in a new way that I HAVE TO HAVE HIM...
I'm remembering the hymn we sang at our church when I was little: "Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey".
As we drove home from visiting w/friends and family today, this song came on and I was nearly undone. It's a song that has made me cry and yet comforted me many times, reminding me that I am not alone. Hope you like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKUV5rYFfk0
And I say, 'Thank You, God, for these difficult days that show me Your Truth, and show me the way out of the death of serving myself.'

Beautimous Brisket

Our late spring favorite: Beef Brisket! I've loved having brisket in bbq restaurants, but not 'till this year have I made an attempt to cook one. I've found them to be VERY easy...they just take time. It's the kind of meat that's best cooked LOW AND SLOW. I've bought the brisket at Sam's and have been very pleased. The smallest one I've found there was 6 lbs...so if you do not have a ravenous horde at your house like I do, you can freeze the leftovers. I went crazy with the foil in the pan so I would not have any difficult clean up. I cook it in a 9x13. If the brisket is very large, I cut it in half and cook it in two 9x13's. Cook the brisket with the fat down on the bottom. When it is done cooking, flip the brisket over and lift or scrape the fat from the meat and discard. Slice against the grain. We bought whole wheat rolls to serve the brisket on this past weekend. Deee-licious! Also quite yummy on the sandwich: cheese and jalapenos and additional bbq sauce. The following are a couple of recipes we've tried and liked a lot.

Also, oh, happy day, here is a link to a study that points to the possibility that the fat in beef brisket is GOOD FOR YOU!! http://www.cantstopthebleeding.com/?p=13355 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BBQ Beef Brisket

5-6 lb. brisket

2 t. Worcestershire sauce

1-2 t. pepper (I used the 2 t.)

1 t. garlic salt
BBQ sauce:

1c. ketchup

1/3 c. Worcestershire

3/4 c. brown sugar

1 t. lemon juice

(I did not make this sauce....I used Cookies BBQ Sauce from the store.)

Sprinkle brisket w/garlic salt, worcestershire, and pepper. Bake uncovered 30 minutes at 450 degrees in shallow pan. Remove from oven, cover w/foil, bake 7-8 hours at 225 degrees.

For BBQ SAUCE, remove 2 c. of meat juice from fiinshed brisket. combine with BBQ Sauce ingredients.

Chill brisket. Slice thin against the grain. Pour sauce over it. Cover and return to 300 degree oven until hot. (an hour, maybe? the recipe does not specify...)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brisket Marinade

1/2 c. white vinegar

1/4 c. canola oil

1 1/2 c. beer (12 oz.)

2 T. liquid smoke

1 medium onion, finely chopped

1 T. salt (this is not a typo...it's really one tablespoon!)

1 T. brown sugar

1 t. cayenne pepper

1 t. black pepper
Combine in a shallow dish or ziploc bag. Add meat and marinate for a few hours to a couple of days.I was expecting this one to be really hot & spicy. I marinated it for a day and a half. It was NOT spicy...but it had great flavor. Cook it as above in a 450 oven for 30 minutes uncovered. Then cover w/foil and bake for 7-8 hours more @ 250 degrees. Can't wait to have it again tonight for dinner!

For, lo, the winter is past...

Winter lays bare a lot that is normally hidden. And it's been a cold, dark, long, windy winter. Now that spring approaches, it seems the right time to do some maintenance, clearing the dead sticks that have dropped to the ground...and dealing with some branches that have broken from the trees, but have not yet fallen. This is true with the outdoors and seems to be true in my heart.

This winter season has exposed to me that much of what I do is out of fear - and not the good kind of 'don't touch the stove' or 'don't walk in front of a moving vehicle' type-fear. I've been fearful of walking away or 'growing away' from Jesus. I'm afraid of not being a good wife. I'm fearful that I'm not mothering our children well (that's fear supplemented by a generous dose of [false] guilt...) General anxiety about 'getting it right' accompanies me.

I've been reading Jan Karon's Mitford Series (AGAIN.) And the main character is dealing w/a paralyzing fear. As he admits his fear, his cousin's wife says, "Fear is not from God..." Obviously, I've read this before, but this time as I read, it was an arrow straight to my heart.

Newsflash to me: getting it right is not my job! It is God's job.

I've mentioned this before, because it means so much to me...now I'm reminding myself yet again: the Christian life was lived successfully once, by our Lord Jesus. I'm not expected to live that life again....I'm expected to plug into the 2:20 (Galatians) and take up my cross and die daily and give myself fully to Him. FULLY. My thoughts. My words. My actions. My desires. MY FEARS.

And why should I fear anyway? Don't I know that the Maker of the Universe cares deeply and attentively for me? Don't I know that He supplies all of my needs? Haven't I realized after knowing Him since 2nd grade (that's forty years this year, folks...) that what He allows, He allows for my good? Hasn't it sunk in yet that He has great plans for me?

I'm convinced that fear = lack of trust. And lack of trust can be from a lack of knowing someone's character. And it's not like I've never studied the Character of God. But what have I studied lately? The wandering Children of Israel gathered manna daily (Exodus 16)...any that they saved got wormy and nasty. I'm thinking that's part of my issue. I need to be knowing Him more, not resting on what I've learned in the past.The manna that I'm thinking is feeding me stinks and may have maggots...

My fearfulness is also the result of my 'needing' to be responsible for so many things that are not really my responsibility. (for example: keeping my family "happy", the sins of past generations of my family, how others perceive me, and etc.) The Lord knows that this is not my conscious intention, but I often find it 'sneaking in'...it is a tendancy of mine. Some would call it 'control'.

I've been trapped by "What would Jesus do"....I am caught up in DOING. (human doing or human being...?) I've been caught up in the unbiblical "You are the only Jesus some will ever see..." Alas, I tend toward the typical first-born performance orientation. Ew. I hate that.

So as spring 'springs' in our region, and hopefully inside of me, I pray,

'Lord, allow me to let go of all that holds be back from knowing You more, of trusting you fully. I open my hands and give You the things I see, like the busyness of life and my habit of being 'responsible' in a wrong way (control). And please show me what I'm not seeing that holds me back, so that I can repent and ask for Your help! Thank You that You are not silent. Thank You that my struggle is part of the process You have ordained. Thank You that there is no condemnation for this struggle because I am in Jesus. Thank You for this changing season. Thank You for the death of winter and the new life of spring. Thank You for Easter and new life in You.

Is being born-again AGAIN (afresh, over again) Biblical? I'm not sure if there is a chapter and verse to support that concept. I need an overhaul. I could use a new start...

New Favorite: Molten Chocolate Cakes

We had this rich, dark dessert tonight...I love that it makes one small cake for each family member. No chance of overindulging with a second (or third) helping! We were wishing for some vanilla ice cream and/or some whipped cream and/or some kind of berries to top the cakes. But they were plenty good on their own. Mmmmmmmm.

Molten Chocolate Cakes

1 c. plus 2 T. cocoa powder

1 c. plus 1 T. butter

1 1/2 powdered sugar

1/2 c. flour

3 whole eggs

3 egg yolks

Grease 6 custard cups or soufle dishes. Place on baking sheet. [Deb's note: I used small coffee mugs.]
Melt cocoa and butter in double boiler or microwave. Stir until completely combined. Add powdered sugar and flour; mix well. Add whole eggs and egg yolks. Whisk or mix w/electric mixer until well blended. Divide batter evenly among custard cups.
Bake @ 425 degrees for 10-15 minutes or until cakes are firm around edges and soft in the middle. Let stand one minute. Run a knife around cakes to loosen [I did not need to do this...] Carefully invert onto dessert plates. Garnish as desired. [We dusted w/powdered sugar...]

Twenty-five Random Facts

A prompt to compose this list has been going around Facebook (apologies to fellow Facebook-ers who've seen most of this previously as '17 random things'). I thought I'd post it here too. I'd love to know twenty-five random things about those of you who are not presently on FB or who haven't posted theirs on FB yet. Send me an email with your twenty-five! Here are mine:

1. I heartily dislike dark cold winters, but love a good snowfall.

2. The person I admire most is my husband, David. He pretty much rocks.

3. I really like my butter bell. http://butterbell.com/

4. I'm HORRIBLE at most math. Except I'm good at figuring out the tip...no calculator needed.

5. Caramel has replaced chocolate in my favorites repertoire.

6. I love being near the ocean...(why am I landlocked?...oh, yeah, to be near my most amazing hubby...)

7. My home is full of deep colors - no neutrals here.

8. I paint almost all my ceilings the same color as the walls.

9. I have walked in two 'Race for the Cure's, done the running part in a team-mini-triathlon, and walked a half-marathon, and hope to do more races this year...not to win, but just to have fitness motivation.

10. I really like Listerine.

11. I stink at drawing, keeping up with housework & staying calm when our kids are hurt.

12. I really like our new French Press for coffee.

13. I play about 9 chords on the guitar and wish I owned one.

14. Stealing a line from Chariots of Fire: I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me a singer. And when I sing I feel His pleasure.

15. I gave my life to Jesus at a Bible club held at Dossin Elementary School (public), Detroit, MI, in 1969. (2nd grade)

16. Even though I've known Him for forty years now, (forty! shoo-wee!) I'm still amazed that the Lord loves me and has forgiven me.

17. I've lived in Virginia, New York, Michigan, California, Colorado & Nebraska.

18. Walnuts are part of my daily life...they are the protein in my morning oatmeal and if I have a bowl of ice cream, I love a small handful sprinkled over the top. Oh, yeah.

19. I'm thrilled and scared to death to be singing with the Omaha Symphony one night this coming summer.

20. I love art of all kinds and love to create (just don't ask me to sketch anything...see #11).

21. I hope to make a quilt someday. I've made rag quilts, but not yet a 'real' quilt.

22. That our two oldest girls are the closest of friends is one of the biggest blessings of my life.

23. Since I was little, I have been terribly motion-sick. I hate flying, riding in cars, boats, trains and playground swings, but I love rollercoasters. They do not make me sick. Go figure.

24. Not my forte: video games, tent camping, staying organized, sudoku.

25. I'm amazing at Balderdash, Speed Scrabble & Catch Phrase. Fear me.

Thanks for reading my randomness!