Monday, November 30, 2009

It's 4:13 am. I woke up at 2:50 and laid there for about 45 minutes...then I gave up trying to sleep and here I am. I used to HATE these sleepless nights. Tonight it's like an oasis. It's dark and quiet and the candles in the family room are flickering. Uninterrupted time to think, to ask God stuff, to get the tangles out of my head.

It has been a bumpy ride this year. Dave's been jobless for ten months now, except for a short stint at a job that did not work out. We have been up and down. We have been more than well-provided-for financially (frequently miraculously!) and never even come close to having to do without the necessities. But emotionally and mentally...oi. Tough times.

I think we've both come to the conclusion that this whole season isn't really about joblessness at all...that it's about being cared for in a different way. It's about our Father being kind enough to take us through the dryest of times to show us our hearts and some decisions that we've made about Him in the past that are not about Truth.

I mean, who sets out in their life to knowingly believe stuff that's really a bunch of hooey? But as I've gone through this year I've seen that there's quite a bit of renewing that needs to happen in me (duh.) For many reasons, I have embraced that which is not the Whole Truth and I have not 'til now seen it clearly. As my dear friend Dawn says, if a person knew they were being deceived it wouldn't be called deception, right?

For about a decade now, my frequent request has been for the Lord to show me my pride, to draw me closer to Himself...and through these past months, He seems to be taking me up on that in an accelerated course of learning. I wasn't prepared for how painful it is to see the partial truths (okay, LIES!) I've believed, to see that I've chosen to play the blame-game instead of resting and trusting. Through these revelations of my shortcomings and the lies I've held close, I've been astounded by the tender, attentive care given to me by the Lord. He's not ticked and wanting to ostracize me like I've thought. I have tasted a new freedom and I sure would like more of it.

I confess that I have been in a very dangerous boat: the U.S.S. Presumption. I see that 47 years of life on this earth does not even SCRATCH THE SURFACE of all there is to know about ANYTHING. And I am most thankful this season to see that I am being RESCUED by the One Who is the Way out, He Who is the Truth that cannot be Refuted, the One Who is the Life I've always longed for.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Pete Thinks Bree Might Need a Rescue...

The temperature of the pool water....

And the crazy girl who jumped in it. Petey is very concerned, can you tell?

Ode to Petey Sweetie

Today our family is losing a wonderful friend. Petey has lived with my sister, Marcia, and her family for some years now. He got sick with bone cancer and it has quickly spread through his system. Today will be his last day on earth and our hearts are aching.
The first time I was around Petey, I was visiting California for Josh's graduation. Petey was soooo gentle with our youngest little girl, Kristin, who was about 2 yrs. old. But holy cow....was he a roughneck with the grown ups who wanted to play crazy. He and my brother, Lee got in a wrestling match and Petey gave Lee an ear piercing!!! It bled and bled...Lee never held it against Pete - quite the contrary...I believe it was a bonding experience!
Pete came with his fam on a road trip to visit us a few years ago. He was a great houseguest. He was a very good 'carpet-snack-vacumn' and got along great with our dog, Bella. When it was time for the Baileys to return home and we were all outside saying our long farewells, he also vacumned up something gross that I won't mention here, but has been the source of a funny story and a lot of gagging from Marcia and me.... (ask me later).

When Bree and I visited So. Cal. for our "sunshine fix" last February during possibly the coldest and rainiest and un-sunniest part of the winter there, WE FROZE. But Petey and his best friend, Molly were always there to snuggle up with. They are great heaters. A few times when we were in CA, we ran around the pool in the Bailey's backyard, playing keep-away from Petey. It was fun and a little scary. I was always a little afraid that if he'd catch me, he'd take a friendly nip out of my posterior. One crazy day, Bree wanted some excitement in her life and decided to jump, fully clothed, into the 56 degree water of the pool. Petey was very concerned. I thought he'd jump in after her...

Pete is the reason we have Easton, our three-year-old boxer. When Petey came here, we fell in love with his temperment and his expressive eyes, his wrinkled forehead, the quizzical look that he gave with his head cocked to one side...we loved his lap-dog-attitude in his VERY big dog body. Boxers just pretty much rock.

Just a few years ago, I would NEVER have believed that I could be sooooo torn up about losing a dog. Especially one that is not even my own. But Pete was a pup that was willing to be loved by felt like he was ours too.

Petey has been a gift to all of us, but especially to my sister, Marcia. He has been a comfort and a joy in some very tough times for the whole Bailey family. I just can't stand it that they are hurting so badly. It is hard to be so far away from them.
You just never think stuff like this is going to happen and I cannot help but wonder why it is happening. We were all hoping for a miracle. What I am sure of is that Pete was a godsend...Thank You, Lord, for Petey Sweetie Punkin Head. And I am trusting that the same God who sent such an amazing doggy our way will give comfort like only He can and that He'll get us through this time.