Monday, July 14, 2008

I almost missed it...

Since we have been on the road my skin has gotten REALLY bad...before we left, I knew I should have gone into the doc to get my quarterly dosage of steroids to keep my silly issues under control, but I kept hoping I could handle it myself with the topical meds I have. Last night I got really bad...or maybe I just realized that I was really bad. Sometimes I don't really let myself grasp that I am spiralling down until I am feeling desperate for help. Anyway, I decided that I needed to try to call my doc today and see if he would call me in a prescription. He is not one to give out meds willy-nilly (which I am thankful for...), so I didn't know if he would. I decided that if he wouldn't/couldn't I'd get online, find a preferred provider in the OBX area and try to get seen by someone here.

Well, may the Lord bless him, Dr. Greg consented to call CVS and I started taking the meds @ about 1 pm. It usually takes two doses for me to start feeling a bit better. Tonight I just took my third one and whew, what wonderful relief.

When I have a severe outbreak like this I look somewhat like some burn victims might look when they are healing: kind of vivid reddish-purple blotches that cover most of my face and usually only some of my neck. I get very self-conscious. People stare. I don't think most people mean to do it. Sometimes when people look 'different', you just can't help it. Sometimes, not too often, people comment..."what happened to you?" "isn't there anything you can do for that?" SO embarassing. Today when we went shopping (I did not want to go, but sometimes it is good to just press through and DO IT.), I wore my big floppy hat and sunglasses most of the time, even inside the stores. It is just easier knowing people cannot see my eyes...why is that, I wonder? Maybe I think that if they don't see that I know they are staring it is less difficult...if that makes any sense....

ANYWAY, after supper Jeff (bro-in-law: Diane's hubby) suggested we all go 'Ghost crabbing' on the beach at dusk. (more facinating info: ) I thought it was going to be like a 'snipe-hunt'....looking for something that does not exist or something we would never really find.

I was exhausted and at first said I would stay behind and go to bed early. Then I decided to go for a short time (I hate to miss a party!)...I was planning to walk with everyone to the beach and then take the short cut home by myself and still have the chance to turn in early. Thankfully, I changed my mind.

Good thing I did because we ended up finding about 25 or 30 crabs! You all who have hunted these little guys know...they are so well-camouflaged that when you see them running on the sand, you wonder if you are really seeing something or if it is your mind telling you that you are seeing something! They are FAST! And fun to catch. The kiddos were running everywhere (10 out of the 11 kiddos came with us, ages 18 down to 4 y/o!) and catching crabs ("I got one!") ("Gotcha!") ("Come back here, you little...!") and depositing them in a cooler we brought (that I thought we toted along just for show!). It was such a great time. Most of the crabs were an inch or two big, but some were 4 or 5"! The sun was setting and the clouds were glorious. We saw a double rainbow from our front deck as we left the house and then another rainbow on the beach just before the sun went to bed.

I had a solitary minute on the beach as everyone was running and exclaiming and rolling in the sand and capturing the unsuspecting little crustaceans! As I was alone, I thanked the Lord for a great time, for the beauty of this place and for our family being together. I felt as if He whispered to my heart, "Aren't you glad you came? I helped you through. I AM here. I AM with you." I wept. I was reminded of other special times at dusk on the beach (Beach Camp with First Family Church youth group at San Onofre, 3-Arch Bay adventures in high school with my dear friend Jerbi, Laguna Beach in 1986 when David proposed...) I wept some more.

It was pretty dark when we headed for home (probably a 10 minute walk). We did let the crabs go before we left! Elly even took a short video of their exodus to the sea! =) (Posted below!)

We arrived home and were looking at the many photos we took of our Ghost crab excursion and Elly asked me how I was feeling. I told her that I'm much better and asked her if I looked any better (mirrors are not my friends when I get like this!). Jordan, our 11/y/o nephew, was listening and asked what we were talking about..he went on to say that he doesn't even notice my trouble much. That made me cry AGAIN.

I was reminded that David and others that love me (Dawn, Mom, Diane, and others) have told me that they hardly notice...and I was again undone by the fact that I really am loved for who I am and not what I look like. I need that reminder because I so easily buy into our society's appearance orientation (It is SUCH a Babylon mentality!). Looking good sometimes seems like it is SO important and because of my health it is not always possible to look good (from the world's standards). I was crying and all the kids were saying, "What's wrong with Auntie?" Lisa gave me a big, LONG hug and I bawled some more! I assured them that the tears were happy ones. My wonderful m-i-l, Karen, said that she rarely notices my skin troubles and reminded me that "man looks upon the outward appearance, but God looks upon the heart". She told me that I have a beautiful heart. I think I'll 'take that to the bank'. I end this amazing day with a full and thankful heart. Life is so hard, but our God is SO good.


julie martin said...

dear, sweet ferb, thank you so much for sharing your struggle with us. this post moved me so. it is so cool to see how the Lord spoke to you through so many different beautiful things. you are precious, and you do have such a beautiful heart! i'm so glad you didn't miss the night!

julie martin said...

dear, sweet ferb, thank you so much for sharing your struggle with us. this post moved me so. it is so cool to see how the Lord spoke to you through so many different beautiful things. you are precious, and you do have such a beautiful heart! i'm so glad you didn't miss the night!